More than a sunrise….

I remember like it was yesterday, for my birthday, I took myself on a personal retreat to Johnson City, TX, right outside of Fredericksburg, TX. It was a weekend I took the opportunity to relax and be with my thoughts. I had the entire weekend planned, but nothing that allowed me to rush. One activity I planned was to see the sunrise at the Enchanted Rock. I love the sun rise and the sun set because both stand for a beauty that cannot be explained.

I decided to wake up early and see the sun rise. I got in my car, and I was off, but I did not count on no streetlights. It was pitch dark. The wineries were off the main road, so no lights from the establishments either. It was the type of darkness that when you look out in front of you, all you see is darkness.  No light peeping out, just darkness.  Five minutes into the ride, I wanted to turn around. Everything in me was screaming to turn around! I was not familiar with the road, or the area. To be honest I was scared.

I had my gps. My church was doing morning prayers. So I turned it on, to find the connection was bad, so I turned it off. I turned on gospel music to calm my nerves. I was nervous, anxiety through the roof, and praying nothing happens while I am heading to see the sunrise. The sunrise was the destination and I stayed focused on the destination. I did not waiver just kept driving. I went slow. I allowed the gps to guide me by showing the road patterns. I finally made it to Fredericksburg, and streetlights came with getting to the town. Lights from establishments was shining bright and thought the worse was behind me.  The familiarity of seeing a town, lights, and just the ability to see was enough for me to let down my guard and feel comfortable again.

As I kept driving the road changed, the road now had hills, and more curves. The road was still dark, and now it was only one lane for each direction. A new bundle of nerves hit me. I felt as though I can go over the hill with one wrong turn. I wanted to quit, I wanted to turn around, but I was scared to turn around. Where would I turn around, it was nothing but woods on the side of me. It was like the scary movie we watched and always screaming for that person to turn around. I was the person; you would be screaming at to turn around. I felt as though I have come too far. My gps said I was getting close and then it lost signal. What?! What am I supposed to do now? I did not have my gps to guide me on the road anymore. A new set of anxiety set in. I was beyond nerves, I was terrified. During the last stretched, my mind wonder to why did I have to see the sun rise? Was this even worth the emotional agony I was going through to see it? I can see the sunrise another time, heck, I can see the sunrise from my hotel room. It was not worth my life! I had to stay focused on the destination to keep my emotions in check. I finally made it to the Enchanted Rock as it was starting to be dawn. I saw the moon bright, so pure. I got out the car and thank the Lord, I made it. I waited to see the sun peeking out through the horizon. I watched the moon go down as the sun was starting to rise. I stood there looking in awe at the transition from night to morning in ultimate magnificence. The transition made me forget about my journey getting to the sunrise. The point is I made it to see the sun rise.  It was all worth it. At that moment, as I watched the sun rise, I took a breath and knew I arrived at my destination.

The journey to the Enchanted Rock was more than just going to see the sun rise. As I left the Enchanted Rock the sun fully shining by now, I saw the road was not as scary as it was coming up. It was familiar road now. That drive was a pre-requisite for what I would embark on this year and the upcoming years. While I was admiring the sunrise, a still whisper came to me saying “do it even if you are scared!”  I have always been a person that allowed fear to cripple me in areas of my life. It was as though a shift happened on the way to see the sunrise; it was about breaking those fears in me. It was allowing myself to keep going even when I do not know the road in front of me. It was about trusting the journey more than trusting myself. The moments I focused on the destination I experience peace, and my emotions was not all over the place. The moments I allowed my focused to shift to my surroundings all the anxiety, and doubt filled me that I could not remember my destination. This car ride was an outward analogy of my life right now.

The moment, I decided to launch Breathe & Exhale (B&E), I was excited, but I was also nerves. I never been the person that started something. I always come along and help others. I was really asking God that weekend, are you sure this is what you want me to do? Lil ‘old me to be in the front and not behind the scenes.  I have had so many ideas, but never saw them through because I thought I am not that person. I realized that weekend that I am doing a grave in justice to God by not trusting Him enough with the vision He has for my life. The lesson from the car ride was a representative of every distraction, every negative thought, every doubt, every fear, every fill in the blank that can prevent you from living out the life that He has for me, for you, for us. The still voice, do it even if you are scared was the Holy Spirit saying I double dog dare you to do it. I dare you to trust God with Breathe & Exhale.  I dare you to trust God with this journey or any other journey.  I made it to the sunrise, fighting through every heart ache, anxiety, and fear that early morning. I just kept praying and trying my best to remain calm. I had to remember this car ride throughout this year when I was working on B&E. I had to remember this car ride every time a new challenge came upon me, or when I dared to dream big. This car ride gave me a liberation on my life that I never knew I needed before that weekend.

Now, I want to encourage you, I may have gone on the car ride, but I launched B&E not just for me. I launched it for you. Yes, I believe in self care and taking time for yourself. That is so important. But I want you to think about what you have put on the back burner or not going after because of fear, or another reason. For this upcoming year, I want you to start thinking about your own journey and start going after it. I want you to trust the journey more than you trust yourself. The little girl that dreamed so carefree is waiting for you on the other side to reach the destination.

Love ya,

Shana-Lee